3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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