He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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