I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
