Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
