Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
