It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
