is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
