if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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