we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
