You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
