Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
