Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
