Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
only you would photoshop your dick
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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