11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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