haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize