in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
