Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
