I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
