Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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