Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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