you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
