big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
