my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
