i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
