that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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