i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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