No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
How external is "for external use only"?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
