I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
