Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
