i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
