is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
