I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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