I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
