I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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