Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
