my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
