used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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