And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
