it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
