i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
