so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
