1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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