Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
