shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
