Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
