thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He keeps bees of course he's weird
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
