I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
