I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
