I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
