so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The best revenge is premature balding
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
