You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
