I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
