I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
