she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
