I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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